Is there really a God?

I find myself asking that question plenty of times, but always to no avail. I most definitely want to 100% believe that there is a God out there, but it seems so unreal.

Living in this materialistic world - money, competition, work, schooling are almost all that seem real. I am not proud of the fact that i doubt ( like doubting Thomas), and i really really want to trust my life into God's hands. But sometimes, when i have some time to just think about everything thats goes on in my life, death comes into the picture.

Death. When we die, we no longer exists in the world. We just vanish and disappear from the face of the earth for good. I am afraid that what if God doesn't really exists? And we just become nothing? I mean, we are not part of "life" itself anymore... doesnt that thought ever scare you? It scares me alot.

What if God really exists? Won't we get a chance to eternal life with Him in heaven? (after going through purgatory and all of course) Won't that be what we hope to achieve at the end of this "journey"here on Earth?

I feel ashamed of myself for ever doubting God. But i really just cant help it! I get scared, scared of death, of not existing... Who can help me now, but God? =S

Confusing myself...

1.3.06
(SALVATION)